Friday, May 13, 2011

Fitting in

As much as us biomed moms work extremely hard to help our children fit in, it's equally as ironic that WE don't fit in anywhere.  Biomed moms stick together like white on rice, because our lives are so incredibly different from others' and no one else gets us like another from the same world.  We are the side show freak at every event.

I ponder this thought as I sit here splitting our chelation capsules and wonder what other moms out there are doing this very moment.  I doubt they are splitting capsules for their families to take around the clock.  But I would bet that just about every other biomedical mom is doing exactly what I am doing and maybe even at this very moment, since chelation rounds typically happen on the weekends.  It's this craziness that ties us together with a bond that doesn't even require physically facing each other to "get" each other.  I think we would go to the ends of the earth for one another, literally.  We share a passion that runs deeper in our veins than our own blood.  It's this very passion that motivates us.

I know at least for myself, when I try to fit into groups of other moms, I find it so hard to relate to them.  As much as I would love to chat about karate lessons or school mishaps, our experiences differ so much that I can't even chime in.  Generally when I open my mouth to share my own version of our experiences, I hear the crickets.  There are two exceptions to this though and you can pick them out in a heartbeat.  There are the morbidly curious, the same people that rubber-neck at gruesome crash sites and then there are those who clearly see a connection in what we do, probably because they themselves are searching for answers, whether it be for a child, a loved one or themselves.  They are sincerely interested in the information rather than being intrigued by how very different we are.

One thing I hear frequently is, "I don't know how you do it!"  Again, I tend to wonder about the intention of this commonly heard phrase.  Is it that they truly give us credit for all that we do, witnessing the significant change we produce in our kids' lives or is it more like, wow, you are nuts and I wouldn't do what you do for your kids!

I'm sure there are some people who just lack the understanding, it's hard to grasp unless you have personally witnessed the change in our children.  If you are a parent who was lucky enough to have children born with health on their side, you probably just don't understand the concept of the behaviors we see in our children.  You can't understand what it is like to witness your child loose eye contact and pull away from you or when they take part in strange repetitive behaviors that scare you out of your skin.  Or perhaps your children aren't the healthiest either, but you just don't comprehend how some of the things we do can encourage such huge changes.  Either way, it's this lack of knowledge that puts you on the other side of the fence.  I love the parents who have an envy for the work we do, they give credit and watch in awe, but I'm sure they would never want to be in our shoes.  And as much as I would love to wash my hands of all this intense work, I would never want to change our past, because it has carved the path for our future and I have learned more through this experience than I could even put into words.  Our lives have truly been enhanced by the needs of our little ones.

There is nothing like watching our boys fit in, even if we don't, it's all because of what we do for them every single day of our lives.  It's our dedication, the work of going against the grain in every aspect of our lives that has offered them the chance at a normal life.  I would say that makes us pretty darn amazing.  If you are a fellow bio-med mom, take the time to pat yourself on the back for all of the selfless hours you research, cook and dedicate to your family, for the hours of intense pain you've experienced beside your child as s/he suffered the worst days of pathogenic overgrowth, die-off or food infractions and for the many sleepless hours of chelation you have under your belt.

It's you who is changing the world for your children.  Congrats!


Anne said...

Hmm, if I had kids with problems, I'm sure I would find some way, wny way, to fight it. But it doesn't make what you and other moms are doing less impressive.

I can relate to the "lack of knowledge". My boyfriend suffers under my weird dietary changes, and sometimes he snaps - with worry or with annoyance - and I find myself trying to explain so he can understand, but mostly it's virtually impossible.

I read your last post too and I hope that the parasites, or whatever they turn out to be, are on their way out, away. As if it musn't be hard enough on it's own to judge what is going on in the bodies of your little guys without added challenge...

Selena said...

Beautiful post. I can totally relate and seeing how we both have the same struggles, I fit into your world.

It's encouraging to know I'm not alone in this battle and I'm so thankful you take the time to blog about your experiences so that others may learn and appreciate what is really important in this world.

My 3yo ASD son attended my 7yo son's birthday party at the bowling alley today. I am always nervous how things will go...he was wonderful for the entire 2 hours (nothing too strange as we are on an ALA round). Sigh.. We've come a long way since his diagnosis last February, it's getting easier, slowly but surely.

Jessica said...

Thank you Selena! I have "met" such wonderful people like you through my blog, all people who I can relate to, lol. It's time we stopping having to find others like us to fit in and make it known that we are here to stay! Sharing our stories with the world is the way awareness grows. Thank you for reading and spreading the word!

I can remember those days when I was nervous to do anything with Grayson, would he scream and cry, would the tantrums be out of control, would he want to leave before it got started because it was too loud, would he ignore kids trying to talk to him, the sensory was always at the root of it all. I wouldn't even sign him up for lessons for anything, out of fear of his inconsistencies. There was a time when carnivals through him over the edge! That is no longer a problem!! HE had a BLAST at Sesame Place a few weeks ago! I can't even believe I am saying that, it's still surreal! He now takes guitar lessons and wants to do football and gymnastics!! Tonight he played "Mary Had a Little Lamb" for his grandparents with such pride on his face. I LIVE for these moments, this is what normal should feel like.

Keep doing what you are doing, I am so glad you have been able to taste a piece of your future today. One day you will look back at all of this and be amazed that things were ever so crazy.

OTB (Outside the Box) said...

Hi Jessica,
As you can guess, I didn't stumble upon your page or posts. I'm actively researching about chelation for my 2;9 yo son and I reached your site yesterday. It offers what I imagine a base camp on Mt. Everest would offer. I'm taking pause, studying and regrouping before we meet with our holistic ped. tomorrow. I'm eager to read more of your blogs b/c there are many overlaps with issues and treatments we've already started/attempted. I'm particularly interested in what you've left in/taken out of your supplement regime during chelation as I have read chelation pulls many things out. If you see this and can point me to a blog date or site that talks about this, I'd be very grateful.

Jessica said...

I think it's great that you are doing some research before your appointment.

The only things we have recently pulled out on a daily basis (other than during chelation) are the vitamins that they are getting through their camel milk and kefir, like the B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, zinc, all amino acids, and so far I have also stopped the adrenal cortex that our two year old was taking, because he doesn't seem adrenal fatigued while on the milk. We add that back in during chelation too though. We haven't used vitamin C for a long time, because of their high oxalates, but the camel milk offers 3 times more than cow milk anyway.

channa said...

oh, i never met a person that didnt look at me like i was crazy,when i started to talk about diet allergies ect. just the patronizing nod in agreement like whatever you say crazy lady.
i did get a few rubber necks who asked questions in that looking at a car crash sort of way. i shun all outings and for my son it is really sad. but i am not strong enuff to face NT moms and thier wonderful familys. I am asingle mom tired and broken looking from many years of sleepless nights from my sons many health issues. but I do feel comfort knowing another mom somewhere on this weekend is splitting pills also.

Jessica said...

Awww Channa,
Your post makes me want to reach out through the internet world and hug you! I have had days when my husband is away on business where I really wonder how anyone does it ALL alone. I give you SO much credit. I hope you give yourself credit for all you do! You are more than a warrior mom, you are one of the most selfless people in the world to give all of yourself to your family.