Friday, April 29, 2011

What to do....

A friend today said how I must feel wonderful watching my child do normal things, referring to all the work we put into their health and yes, she is right, it feels wonderful watching my children experience the world with clarity.  It feels great watching my children develop normally, which was no small feat.  Our lifestyle takes incredible conditioning and tolerance.  We've lost touch with friends and family members who think we are extremists and even those still close to us occasionally express feeling as though we take things too far.

Let me share an experience with you from today.  I was at the grocery store when I heard a child screaming at the top of his lungs.  We are not talking about a baby, this was a child clearly about the age of 4.  When they came into sight, he had his very worn blankey over his head (an attempt to reduce sensory overload), he was screaming and fighting the air, arms flailing.  When the blanket was removed, I could see the deteriorated condition of his health, eyes sunken yet swollen at the same time, paper thin pale white skin with bright blue veins popping through, no muscle tone on his arms and legs....I knew his story without knowing a thing about these people.  I felt like she came into my path more than a few times on purpose, to give me the chance to say something, but I could see that she was treating him as though he needed to "cut her a break, just today"....the sadness I felt for this child and his family, it literally brought uncontrollable tears to my eyes and still does.  I wanted so badly to say something to them, but where to start, how to not offend, what to do....nothing.  I did nothing.  Do you know how incredibly painful that was for me?  I have tried confronting parents before and in the split second a person has to listen to the "crazy stranger" never really feels like it goes over well and what do you tell them, you can't say everything that needs to be heard.  I've been looked at like I had two heads, ignored and politely nodded at.  So I gave up on this child, why? Because of those previous people.  If only I could have tactfully handed that woman a slip of paper with my e-mail address and telephone number on it.  I wish I could say "look at my child now....he was your child at one point".....and I didn't. 

So yes, I am proud beyond words at the progress we have made with our wonderful boys, but my heart aches a thousand times over for those who have no support, those who are relying on mainstream doctors to tell them they can't change a's a very sad turn of events in this world.

We may appear to outsiders like we do too much, things they "wouldn't do the same way", but can they really say that with certainty?  What if it were them?  What if one stranger could change their lives forever, because that is exactly how it started for us.  A stranger with something important to say.  Her voice rings in my memory daily and thanks to her bold honesty, here we are.

I want to do more, SO much more!


Anne said...

I think, in writing a blog about your experiences, you are already doing something.

I know the feeling, both of seeing someone and having to bite my comments back, but also feeling like maybe I shouldn't hold back? - and the feeling of wanting to give back, to help someone else the way I've been helped. Like you, I know that in 99,99% of the cases, it's probably best to shut up - I've never done it, given someone my phone number, but I've wanted to. For one thing, my path or my experiences may not be helpful in someone else's situation, AND no matter what I say, I can't make the decision for anyone to change. It can be hard to watch something which SEEMS to be so exactly like what you've experienced yourself, though. I've often cried, too :-(

I try to give back by participating in forums, that way, you only get to talk to people who have already made a decision, and started out on a path of finding out what works to make themselves and their children feel better. I try to listen and be open, also when people tell me things are working for them that I didn't expect or didn't work for me - I think that's what has been the worst for me these recent years, the realisations of all those times when I was younger: if doctors and family had listened to what I said rather than invented reasons, my problems could have been tackled SOOO much earlier. I don't want to be angry, but the feeling bubbles up sometimes, so listening to someone else feels like the most important thing to do.

Hm, long rant :-) - sorry about your shopping experience. Keeping yourself up to snuff so you can pass on good health and good intentions to your kids is the most important, I think!

Jessica said...

I think it's so hard for me to keep quiet, because I know that if it hadn't been for a stranger giving me advice for my own child, I would never have intervened when I did, which could have prevented some of the rapid recovery we are seeing. I wasn't prepared to change everything in my life based on that one conversation, but it definitely is why I started researching and questioning things more. It put me on this path at a time when it was so vital for my child to heal effectively. I thank that person, in my mind, every day. I wish I knew her and could share how much she alone has impacted our lives today.

For many, their lack of knowledge is the only thing standing in the way of healing their children from the inside out. So I have a special place in my heart for that particular place in time.

Anonymous said...

I hate to say I know "exactly" what you're saying, b/c obviously I don't....however. Boy, have I been thinking we're extremists and then living life and seeing kids fall through the cracks is a tragedy.

I am absolutely PROUD of my kids. Today for example, my six year old making extremely intelligent jokes and cracking up the whole family....this is a change that has been worth ALL of the labor.

Keep up the good work and THANKS for blogging. Bloggers were my very first entrance into alternative healing for ADHD.

Jessica Witmer

channa said...

I think that as our children heal and we find ways to reach out and tell our story we can help more and more is hard for me as a single mother to say too much about biomed or chelation because in the poor middle class community you can get your kid snatched away from you in a heartbeat by talking to much about those things!
so i keep my mouth shut until the day my son is healthy and I feel safe to talk about what I have done to help him. but more and more moms like us out there we will reach more and more kids

Jessica said...

Fortunately for us, Channa, there are now doctors that support what we do, and advise us in this direction. There are public figures doing what we do. It's not as scary as it once was to go against the grain. I too started out hush, but when I realized the sheer size of this community of warrior moms and specialists, I lost that fear and grew a voice. We can no longer allow the "authority" to control us when it comes to the health of our family.